Can you believe that?
There are people who do not like peaches!

I used to really struggle with the idea that in the world there would be people who despite my efforts still wouldn’t like me.
What a shock it was when I realised that their approval of me did not depend on my triumph to please them!

I thought “if they could only see my kind and dedicated heart”.

What I didn’t get by then was that
1) people’s tastes are different,
2) people’s criteria of approval is different from mine,
3) people’s desire to approve me is variable.

In fact, worrying about making people liking me distracted me from those who already did, who already felt connected not only to my ‘kind and dedicated heart’ but also to my crazy, unstable, dreamy, chaotic, vulnerable, dramatic, unperfected, fragile, self-centred being, all things I thought incompatible with whom I ought to be.

Despite the tears when the shock came (in greco-roman tragedy episodes), I admit that a sense of liberation also surfaced.

I could finally stop aspiring at being the ‘good girl’, because in fact there was a badass of mine crying to come out. Oh yes!
And if others were not going to like me anyway…, I could as well be whatever the fuck I wanted.

The ‘good girl’ saboteur runs under my skin. She is great because I get to be reminded that my actions may hurt others, that I may need to adjust my language in order to avoid that, and that there is a code of conduct in society where we thrive by being compassionate and gentle to others.

However in my journey towards authenticity, I treat my ‘good girl self’ with a pinch of salt. Her influence must stop when her desire of approval prevents me from showing my discomfort, disagreement and fear.
When she is becoming dangerous to me. When she is forcing me to comply to what I fight against.

The thing is that when we chose to please others as an exchange for love, we are likely to lose our healthy boundaries, we get into non-consensual positions (often unhappy with our sexuality) and end up frustrated, angry at people and feeling guilty for it.
It is a mess.

But when we send our ‘good girl’ to bed, we leave space for the ‘real woman’ to come forward. The one who takes responsibility for her feelings, who makes sure to make herself safe. The one who does not avoid conflict, but rather feels inspired by the diversity of opinions there may be around her.

The ‘real person’ is the one who, tired of their own bullshit, finds protection in their ability to be cautious, dares to expand themselves into new ways of expression, and who is in love with reality and truth.

The light, and dark, the nuances and shadows, the sparkles and dullness, the salty and sweet, the dry and wet, the rough and smooth.

There was a time in my life I did not like mangos.
Can you believe that?…

Empowerment comes from acknowledging and dealing with the voices in our minds in a more ‘real person’ way.